it’s the same with new year’s resolutions . . .

Yeesh. It’s November 2nd and there is some initiative with a name that sounds like a teletubby gone horribly wrong in which I apparently committed to daily blogging in November, and already I’ve messed that up. hmm. and they definitely said that we’re not allowed to cheat . . .

but you have to understand, I’ve been quite busy. It’s hard work being a hypochondriac, and I just have not had time to think up other brilliant things to blog about . . .

With that said, I feel that I must give a brief update on mi lumpito, for those of you who have been wondering . . .

I already posted about my “normal” CT scan and that I was told that I could talk to a general surgeon to see if a biospy is warranted. (Trust me, with this alien growing on my collarbone–heck, yeah, I want a biopsy!) So I went to see the surgeon, and I am scheduled to have outpatient surgery on December 7th.

Of course, in the two days since the surgery was scheduled, I have been convinced that el lumpito (why the hell is it a “male” lump, anyway? shouldn’t it be a lumpitA?) is actually growing. I may take pictures tomorrow and post them (because we know you love the TMI!)   

but the happy thing about this is that i have been Googling new possibilities (after being told by the surgeon that the lymph node wasn’t visible on the CT scan, which I took to be a good sign?! Yeah, and I trusted that report so much that I went home and ordered my very own copy of the CT scan results, which I will promptly attempt to Google key phrases from in an attempt to freak myself out even further) and if it’s NOT the lymph node, then I have the absolute THRILL of having something FUNKY AND RARE!!!

Especially because of the tooth connection, I am so excited about my potential contribution to medical science . . .  Seriously, I could not think of anything more enjoyable than the possibility of gaining another fifteen minutes of fame in some obscure medical journal . . . WAY more fun than anything with the word “metastasized” in it!  

today at work, my boss told me that someone had mentioned the possibility that this is my twin–which would SO make sense, because I always felt like I had a twin! now THAT would be cool. 

lucky for all of you, we have a month to figure this out. Unless it continues to grow substantially in the next week or so, in which case I will probably go screaming back to my doctor like a nine-months-and-a-day pregnant woman: “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!”

“normal” and yet I’m just not feeling it . . .

So my stalking of my doctor’s office has paid off, and I got the news this morning that the CT scan of mi lumpito came back as “normal”. I was then told that, if I would like, I could see a “general surgeon” to talk about whether we should consider having it biopsied.

I should be jumping up and down, right? “Normal” is good, right? And yet, I just have this sense that things are somehow not quite right in Mudville, and as a result, I told my doctor’s office that yes, I DO want to talk to the surgeon. El Lumpito is not very large, but neither has it gotten any smaller, and although I am struggling to discern whether this is my hypochondriasis kicking in or if it’s an intuition that I should pay attention to . . .

 Reading stuff like this makes me hopeful that I’ve made the right choice. But for those of you who are Jesus followers, I would greatly appreciate your prayers for discernment on my part, and the ability to separate out what is an actual risk from what is just my neurosis, or even better, something big and lovely trying to get itself born . . .

you know you’re having a bad week when . . .

So it wasn’t bad enough that my car broke down on Sunday, or that I found out on Monday that the repairs will cost something like $1500 (which I don’t have now, and am not likely to have anytime soon . . . or perhaps EVER.)

And it’s not enough that my call to my doctor’s office this afternoon to see if they’d received my CT scan results yet yielded a “no, we don’t have them yet”, despite the fact that the brand spankin’ new hospital where it was done claims on its website that its “new, state-of-the-art technology” enables them to share test results with lightning speed.

(or that I threw up from the contrast dye they had to inject–yes, that was ALSO on Sunday.)

But today, on top of all of this, THEY REPO’D MY TRASH CAN!

I’m out of checks (I stopped tithing in June, the first time my car broke down, and I hardly use checks otherwise) and this is one of those bills that just seems to fall by the wayside–it’s not easy to pay it online–so I just never got around to it. Not that I have the money at this point, anyway . . .

In her book Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott talks about how a lot of things going wrong at once is viewed by some as evidence that “something big and lovely is trying to get itself born“. But she doesn’t totally buy that, and neither do I. I think that part of the problem, though, is that I do foolish things like titling my blog, “I wanna love You better whatever it takes“, not realizing that God might take me up on my offer.

Right now I just need to crawl into bed and spend some time feeling sorry for myself.

cyberchondria by the numbers

Number of people I told about el lumpito in the first week: 6

Number of people I e-mailed to ask for prayer after el lumpito refused to shrink in the face of a week’s worth of killer antibiotics: 41

Number of people on my church’s prayer chain who received the request: 54 (a few of them may overlap with the list of folks I sent it to directly)

Number of atheist friends who received this “prayer request”: at least 2

Number of nervous, “I don’t know how to act around you” smiles I received: only 1 (!) I was sure there’d be more . . . but maybe that’ll come later

Percentage of my workday spent Googling possible causes: between 30% and 60%, depending on the day

Number of times my shrink has told me not to Google it: 30 or so

Number of magazine articles about cancer that I’ve “randomly” come across in the past ten days: 1

Number of times in the past ten days that I’ve turned on the radio and “randomly” heard people talking about their experiences with cancer: 4 (two times was the same person speaking on two consecutive days)

Number of times in the past ten days that I’ve heard a radio program about a hypochondriac who always thinks she has cancer, but doesn’t: 1

Number of answers to my Yahoo! Answers question asking, “is there any possibility that this could be something OTHER than cancer?”: 4, so far

Number of cutesy chick-lit books on living with cancer that I saw at Target but didn’t purchase: 1