…but it’s too long for a Facebook status, and I want to feel like I actually do blog sometimes.

Today was my day off (I work 6 days a week now if I can help it) and I wanted to accomplish a few things:

• Use my $5 coupon at Famous Footwear
• Get my free pretzel from Auntie Anne’s
• Get my free slice of pizza at Sbarro
• Get my free drink from Panera
• Get a chair massage (a rare guilty pleasure. If I took fewer Lyft rides, I could get more massages. I should remember that.)
• Maybe get an eye exam and some new glasses

(As some of you know, I am not big on celebrating my birthday, but I am all about the free stuff!)

Figured out before I left the house that there was no longer a Panera at the mall I was going to, so I was prepared for that. Bought some cheap (because flat) seltzer at the bodega on the way to the bus stop.

Wandered into H&M, found some cheap Christmas earrings, went into Old Navy and dove into the mega clearance section…once I came out of my stupor, I continued on through the mall. Came across an Auntie Anne’s kiosk and got my free pretzel…sat down to eat it right across from the massage place, thinking how wonderful it was going to be and debating whether I wanted the ten-minute or the fifteen-minute version. But first, Macy*s…and an ATM, since the massage place had a “cash only” sign, and I’m not organized enough to have gone to the bank beforehand.

There was a place in the mall that takes my vision insurance, so I stopped in to browse, but I wasn’t happy with the selection of frames. (My super-indecisive self wants to be somewhere that has a zillion frames to choose from, so I can drive myself batty not being able to decide. But that’s another blog entry entirely.)

After finding a promising pair of shoes, then spending some time wandering through Macy*s, I eagerly headed over to the massage place. I was pretty pleased with myself. How smart I was to save the massage for last, so that I could go home feeling relaxed and blissful.

It was 7:39pm when I got to them.

The mall is open until 9.

They. were. closed.

In disbelief, I asked one of the guys (who was clearly packing up), “Are you closed?” He looked at me blankly; I don’t think he spoke English. So he’s probably trafficked* and I’m an evil person for getting my massages from this place.

*not trafficked in the gross sexual way – this was out in the middle of the mall, after all – but in the sense of having to move here and work a zillion hours a day and live in a house with 52 other people. Still evil, I know.

Sigh. One of the main reasons for my outing, and I missed out due to poor timing and an hour spent wandering in Macy*s when I was too tired to try anything on anyway.

“Oh well”, I said to myself. “I can at least go get my free slice of pizza before I head home”. Besides the pretzel and the flat seltzer, I had eaten only a carrot, some Linden’s Fudge Chip cookies, and a honey bun so far today. So off I went…ordered my slice, then decided I should tell him that I had a coupon, just in case.

“We don’t take those coupons.” I resisted the urge to yell, “WHAT KIND OF FREE-BIRTHDAY-FOOD-HATING MONSTERS ARE YOU?!” and instead calmly walked away.

I don’t even eat Sbarro in NY (I allowed it when I lived in Michigan, as it was a reasonable facsimile of the real thing). But I do love free. The only other Sbarro I know of is the one at 34th St in Manhattan, but I don’t think it’s worth it for me to schlep there in the next few days.

The free Panera drink, however…ah, there’s one somewhat close to my job, and it expires tomorrow (the free drink expires, I mean, not my job), so maybe I’ll make my way over there and get one more freebie.

Anyway, that was my day in a nutshell, and now I don’t know how to end this, so I guess I’ll just say “thanks for reading” to anybody who has made it this far. I promise you that I am going to work on blogging more consistently this year, in which case you might get an entry that’s not too sucky or boring every so often! Yay!